They were more like roommates now. Even though they had been married only five years, the passion had faded more than a year ago. He trudged through his minimal chores while she reluctantly handled hers. They didn't talk anymore; they didn't play together like they used to; they both looked forward to going to work to avoid the tension at home. It was winter year 'round in their house. Cold.Name five couples who appear to be happily married. Tough, huh? It's becoming more rare today than ever before, and for many different reasons. Guest speaker, Larry Payne, provided some valuable insight on the subject of Wives: How to be Happily Married. There seems to be one common trait, on average, in the man involved in a happy marriage: a healthy spiritual life. We must bring a healthy spiritual "me" into the marriage. Only then can the marriage be healthy. How do we do this? Colossians 3: 5-8 commands us to put to death our sinful nature: "sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires, greed, anger, rage, malice, slander, filthy language, and lying". These are things that we can work on daily with the help of Christ. At the same time we are ridding ourselves of these negative qualities, the Holy Spirit can fill us with "compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience." (Col. 3: 12)This is the essence of individualism and empowerment. It is the process of constantly kicking out the old and bringing in the new. It is a metamorphosis, enacted by the power of God, to create someone new, unique, and healthy spiritually. With this established, we can now analyze what the Bible says about the roles of wives and husbands. Paul addressed women and men seperately in Colossians 3: 18,19: "Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord." This is not written to men, but to wives. We need to quit griping about their following of this order and focus on the next verse where it is talking to men: "Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them". (Col. 3: 19)What does "love" mean here? It is a volitional love: an act of the will, directed by undeterred commitment. The feelings of passion or "love" may or may not be there. It makes no difference in light of the fact that we are commanded to love our wives and enjoy them for who they are, not who we want them to be. Here, love is a verb: an action we must take to demonstrate our sense of caring, just as Christ performed for all of mankind by dying on the cross.What does "being harsh" mean? This may be best answered by knowing what it is not: it is not the implementing of the qualities described earlier about the sinful nature (sexual immorality, impurity, lust, etc.). Being harsh is also the opposite of the positive traits of a Godly person: not compassionate, unkind, not humble, not gentle, and impatient. The world has planted many stumbling blocks along the path of a healthy marriage: the overvaluing of individual rights, the lure of personal freedom, the lust of a stranger's eyes, the common accessibility of divorce, the call for something new and fresh, the doubt that your spouse is the one meant for you, the feeling that you made a mistake. The list goes on.You may dangerously err in thinking that you are the only one facing these problems. The truth is, the woman you lustfully look at could be someone's wife undergoing similar attacks. At the same time, it could be your wife someone else is trying to lure or influence with wayward, worldly thinking. The need for protection of our minds is obvious. With help from the Holy Spirit, we can overcome our negative traits and strive to develop the Godly ones, thus doing our part to invest in a spiritually healthy and happy marriage. To God be the glory.Next week: Friends: Risks and Rewards.
