Jesus Always...
*Warning: this narrative contains confessions that may or may not disturb your image of me. Read at your own risk...
"I have good intentions for you." How often do we get derailed when things don't turn out like we planned or hoped? Or when things aren't right or fair? Justice not served? Does anyone else shake their fist at God in frustration? I admit doing it out of anger. I do, I vent out my frustrations on God. I believe He is strong enough to take it. He doesn't deserve it, I know. It's not right, I know. But, in case you were wondering or had a misconceived image of me - I'm not perfect. I struggle, just like you. This life is truly frustrating and demoralizing. Come quickly, Lord Jesus. We all need redeemed. Only You can save us.
I've had so many things not turn out like I dreamed and wanted, it is depressing. Anyone else get depressed about that stuff? Again, I know, I shouldn't, but I do. Again, I'm not perfect, sorry! He has required I give up things and relinquish control of things I never imagined. Anyone else grieve about having to give up things? Ha!
He's teaching me that He has bigger plans and bigger thoughts and far different methods and ways than I can ever imagine of carrying out His perfect purposes. I have to continually let go, realize my limitations, and trust Him. Period. I have to have faith, without knowing the future. I have to depend on Him in everything. I have to walk humbly, committing myself to Him. The transaction has to take place. I've been bought with a price- the precious blood of Jesus Christ. I am not my own. He owns me. I owe my life to Him.
But I grumble. There I go again, exposing my faults. You are getting to know me better today! I wonder if I'll lose some folks because of it? I grumble when things don't go my way. I must be so spoiled and have such high expectations. Oh, expectations have ruined many a day. Argh. Help me, Lord. Forgive me. I've been too much about this life and it has taken its toll. Did I not learn from studying Solomon's life in Ecclesiastes, only to repeat his mistakes? Results and events have shaken me. I've succumbed to fear. I've faltered with worry. I've lost focus. I've allowed idols to arise. My faith is weak and I'm guilty of unbelief. I've gone ahead of You. I'm a mess on my own. Oh, how I need You. I'm sick and need healing. I'm wounded and jaded. I've suffered and struggled. Open up my eyes again. Give sight to the blind. Help me see clearly. Renew my mind so I can think properly and have the right perspective about things. Restore the joy of my salvation. Be patient and gentle with me, I pray. Heal my heart to be a man of fervent belief again. Lift my head up that I might see Your face. Remind me of Your great love once again.
