The drill sergeant dismissed the men in the Army of One after an intense round of conditioning and was walking to the showers of the athletic club where they had been meeting for the last couple of months. He wore his towel around his waist and pumped his arm across his body, singing "Nothing But the Blood of Jesus" as he entered the shower area. As he crossed the plane of the tiled doorway there was a scattering of a few of the men as if they were startled. A Private Kuhndall stood behind another, using him as a shield from the drill sergeant.
"What have we here, ladies?", the drill sergeant queried, interrupting his joyful tune. "Let's have a look, shall we?". He roughly pushed the private in front of him aside, somehow having a weird, sixth sense about someone hiding something from him. There in front of him, now exposed, was Private Kuhndall, bare-chested and embarrassed. The previous night's adventures had left their mark on him - literally. What had started out as a regular party turned into a drunken mayhem as the guys he was with decided to go to the strip joint. The dancers had wrangled Kuhndall on stage and tied him to a chair. They had their way with him, using permanent markers and lipstick to draw arrows and perverted advertisements on his chest and stomach.
"Well, well, well, Private Coondog. You have some explaining to do.", the drill sergeant boomed, his face reddening. "What does the misses think of this artwork?"
"She's out of town, sir.", the private stammered.
"So while the cat's away, the coondog will play, huh?"
"Well, sir, things haven't been that cool at home anyway so I figured I deserved a little extra attention to make up for what was missing at home. She just doesn't understand how to please me like most normal women do. Really, I'm not so sure if it wasn't an honest mistake to marry her in the first place I think I just felt sorry for her or something."
"You disgust me, Private Coondog.", the drill sergeant condemned. "Everybody out to the pool, now!" The men scrambled immediately behind to two, the drill sergeant leading Private Kuhndall by the ear like a puppy dog on a leash. Upon reaching the edge of the pool, the sergeant gave the orders. "Everybody in the pool! Nobody comes up for air until I do, is that understood? Everyone pays for the one who falls. If I see anyone come up before me, you will pay even more. Submerge now!"
They dove into the pool and each exhaled to sink their bodies to the bottom. They fought to keep their feet on the rough pool floor by flapping their arms upward. The drill sergeant swam around effortlessly, completely at ease in the water, for he had done extensive training in the water as an Army Ranger. He still maintained his excellent physical strength and stamina and had superb control of his breathing. He swam to each private, looking them in the eyes with a glare of seriousness that hadn't been unveiled since his last mission during the Gaza Strip War. The men's lungs burned furiously as tension set in. The drill sergeant approached Kuhndall, saw a look of desperation from within, and then noticed his eyes roll back in his head as he slumped into unconsciousness.
On the pool deck, Kuhndall coughed and spat as the sergeant revived him, rescuing him from near drowning. The others bent over, gasping for air.
"Where were you other ladies when Private Coondog was out howling all night in his folly? Where were his brothers to rescue him? We have to stick together, men. It's called accountability: a word I'm sure you maggots can't even spell. Private Coondog, I have personally witnessed you drowning your wife in public, making her the butt of all of your jokes. You obviously don't respect her as Jesus does. He promises her the same reward in heaven as you. Instead of appreciating her, you make her depreciate in value. No wonder you aren't satisfied at home. She doesn't know that she is the one. You haven't committed to God that she is the one He meant for you to have. And you haven't confessed to her with your forked tongue that she's the one. You haven't ministered to your own wife, Private Coondog! You can minister to strangers, crowds, or whomever, but you've neglected your first priority!
"Now you other ladies that aren't married pay attention. This doesn't just apply to the holy sanction of marriage. Ministry is your life. You have to know without a doubt that since you have a personal relationship with God, closer than ever, that you are exactly right where He wants you in your marriage, home, job, whatever. Right where you are is where He wants you to prosper until He moves you otherwise.
"The devil wants you to think there's something or someone better out there, always placing an alluring idea, job, town, or woman in front of you to make you doubt God. He makes the grass look mighty green This makes the grass you're munching on choke you down, like bing underwater, unable to breathe. Now God may move you, people may fail and leave you if that is His will, but you better be darn sure of your trust in God that you are where you are supposed to be. That's faith, gentlemen. And without faith it is impossible to please God. And that's why He made you ungrateful animals. Now someone help this brother up and minister to him because that is what your life is - ministry."
